Feminist problems: Theory and practice of housewivery
entropyforever:
lawsonry:
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subtletysmyweakness:
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Rant under cut
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I think by choosing not to get her GED/diploma, she is actively making the informed (because she knows and has refused other options) choice to be a stay at home mom, so I think it means you have to respect her choice. I don’t think it’s a good idea when women choose to be stay-at-home parents with no source of income or way to take care of themselves, but I respect the choice.
I realize this, but I don’t like it. I’m an older sister, she’s with my younger brother. That’s the biggest sort of issue that I have that I am trying to deal with. I’m having like internal struggles at random times with it because I know I should respect that choice, but it’s just incredibly difficult for me to do.
You are well within your right to not like it, but at the same time, she’s well within her right to have as many children as she wants and be a stay at home mother.
I can address this issue as a person who is married to a very intelligent woman who had to put college on hold because of our baby (Fig 1). We both believe in equality (social populism, if you will) and don’t have any problem with her staying at home and me going to work, but the key thing here is this: she is staying at home because she wants to and it’s what we have both decided was best for Michelle during her first year on this rock in space.
So how does feminism come into this? Let’s start with the obvious: “For two people who talk a big game about feminism,” we’ve been told, “you sure are quick to jump right into gender roles. Jesse goes to work and Sami stays at home. Seems pretty traditional gender roley to me!”
In our cisgendered relationship, feminism is not about the female taking on the traditional male role and the male taking on the traditional female role, which is what would seem a lot of people think feminism actually is. Feminism for us means that Sami gets an active say in everything that happens because she is a living, breathing, intelligent, and beautiful human being, and in no way, shape, or form should any justification ever be “because you are the woman and I am the man.” Sure, from the outside we look like every other military family where the man is working all day and “the wife” is home with the children, but - and I have to emphasize this again - the key difference between us being socialized into traditional gender roles and us making an active choice in life together is that if socialized norms were all we considered then there would not be any discussion of Sami going back to work, Sami starting college again, Jesse being a stay at home dad after his contract expires, Jesse working from home so Sami can start working again, etc.
I think people can take on a traditional-style role and still be actively pro-feminism and pro-equality. If they are taking the role because they are a certain gender - like the woman who wants to stay at home and have children - then there is definitely room to step in and start smashing the patriarchal machine. But if she is making this choice of her own free will - even if that free will is obviously painted with socialized standards of behavior and lifestyles - then the discussion must be personal and not feminist in nature. What I mean by that is I would address her dropping out of school before I would address how society has taught her that she should only aspire to have children in life (if that’s your true feelings).
If it were my sister (and my sister has been in a similar position), I would focus on placing lifelong importance on education, even if she doesn’t want to work ever again.
- Jesse
Thank you Jesse. I don’t know how their relationship works and I don’t know why she is doing the things she is, I can only observe. From our sparse conversations, she thinks I have accomplished nothing because I have “no job, no house, no man.” I have a problem with the underlying gender socialization that is not specific to this situation, and I also have a problem with her as an individual.
It all comes down to me being a control freak, which I’m trying to work on. He is my brother and I want him to do what I think is best, and that’s just not how people operate. It’s come down to me being blocked on Facebook from my brother because I cannot get along with the girl. She doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to get her GED; she just wants my brother to take care of her. And that’s fine and dandy, but that’s exactly what happened to my parents, and when my dad went to prison when I was 13 years old my mother didn’t know how to function as an adult because she never had to grow up. I don’t want to see that happen again. I think there is a difference between being a housewife and being completely dependent on someone while lacking the skills to take care of yourself.
I think that everyone should work to be independent in that one should know how to take care of themselves. Regardless of what you choose to do, have a back up plan.
I don’t know. Rantrantrant. I apologize for not making sense or just complaining.
Let me share what really stood out there: “no job, no house, no man.”
I think it’s pretentious of me to comment on the social standards of women and how they affect them and those around them, but I appreciate the open forum feminists like you give me to express my opinion.
[TW: Gender Slurs, CGM talking about feminism] I think the “no job, no house, no man” mentality is something that becomes culturally socialized into people, in that entire lives for women are determined by a culture whose viability and longevity requires women to take on biased and unfair social standards. What is very interesting to use as a matter of juxtaposing one set of women to another is the stereotypical Western female compared to the stereotypical Eastern female. In America and Westernized countries the female body is something to be sexually-possessable at all times, and for a woman to dress in a manner that does not display her sexuality for others to see is considered “manly,” “boyish,” and “dikey” by her female peers and “bitchy,” “scared,” and “ugly” by her male peers, but in Eastern countries the woman is considered something that must be covered up. Leave it to Western thinkers to declare the niqab and burqa “oppressive” while subscribing to tighter clothing, uncomfortable shoes, and exposed skin for our own females.
So are we looking at someone else who has different values and telling them that those values are oppressive? Or are we honestly looking out for the betterment of a fellow member of our species? And whose values are more important in this situation: yours or hers?
Considering your own situation, I wouldn’t attribute your being a control freak to you having a concern for someone close to you and wanting to offer your opinion on their choices. After all, isn’t that what family is for? I can see how your situation would be frustrating. Here’s a question: What does her significant other say about all of this? (her staying home, no school, lots of kids, etc)
- Jesse
